Yo Yo Yo

I'm sure that many people are familiar with the term Yo Yo when it comes to dieting. I sat down the other day and went back over my 'body history' and discovered I have yo yo'd for about 25 years! Cycles of desperate hope, fleeting success then failure......for twenty five years! My poor body - what was going on?! Controlled by a crazy brain obsessed with trying to make me skinny, and therefore attractive and, dare I say, worthy.

I have tried every kind of diet I've come across, spent thousands of dollars on quick fix plans and have wardrobes of clothes in every size.

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I feel so sorry for that teenage girl that thought she wasn't good enough because of her size. Actually, this forty three year old girl still thinks the same at times. If only I was skinny, then I would.........(insert dream). Sometimes I would be able to overcome the pressure I put on myself, but it was pure will power, and it burnt out quickly.

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I don't think I was every particularly big. When I look back at photos of when I thought I was 'oh so fat', I'm really just normal and healthy. I faced a lot of bullying issues at high school that I was able to laugh off publicly, but wounded me so deeply in private. I used food to soothe, to comfort myself, and to hide.There is not one part of my life over the last twenty five years that has not been affected negatively by my thoughts and perceptions about my weight.

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I have lived this tortuous life long enough - I need to acknowledge my past, assess my present, and plan my future. I know the nutrition, exercise and cognitive rules for losing weight off by heart, I have done it so many times before. But this time will be different. This time I will have Lap Band on my side.

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Oh, I can't wait!

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LJ

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3 days to go - DOB = 15JUL10